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Upon the Bedpost She Watches

kitty-010-640x480The interloper has returned.

These disgusting creatures sprung her from her cage AGAIN and gave her my spot in the bed, leaving me relegated to perching here on the bedpost, staring down at them disapprovingly. They probably won’t notice, or if they do they’ll make silly faces and try and pat my head like I’m some sort of domesticated critter here for their amusement.  A quick swipe will back them off – they never cut my claws so I can usually draw blood.  I’ll stay here for a while, and assuming my place remains taken, I’ll skulk off to the front door to continue my vigil awaiting the evil Black Cat of Doom.

It’s not fair, really.  After all, when the tiny one rouses from her sleep and starts her midnight mewing, I’m the first one to notice.  I’m the first one to do anything about it – they just lie there, hoping their offspring falls back asleep. I’m always right down there, in their face, informing them of the issue and imploring them to do something to silence the beast so that we can all get some rest.  Eventually I see them making hand gestures until one of them finally gets up to go investigate.  I usually try and keep their spot warm for them and lie down in the bed – and then I get roughly pushed out with nary a thanks.  Pffft.

Honestly, I don’t know why they stand for all her whimpering and late night howling.  And springing her from her permanent carrier just when she mews?  Ridiculous – I beg, plead, scratch and claw when they put me in one of those but they just ignore me, or worse try and placate me with fish flavored mush.  Fish flavored!  As if I couldn’t tell the difference between real fish and the “essence of fish.”  I’m not as stupid as my canine counterparts – I know that Beggin’ Strips ain’t bacon, and I’m smart enough to know that when a human tells you to do something, it’s best not to do it, and instead conserve your energy in case a rapid tail enlargement is needed to scare off the Black Cat of Doom.

Frankly though, I think the tiny one is actually the most dangerous of the lot.  The two tall ones pretty much bend to my desires, although I wish that they could serve something a bit more palatable than mystery meat and all-purpose gravy, or anything that isn’t brown.  But the little one – she knows no master.  When I make an appearance she makes a beeline for me, her little hands reaching to yank my fur, her eyes wild with excitement, a wide tooth-bespeckled grin dripping from her face.  I’m smart enough to get away as fast as I can, although this new maze of barriers and toys makes escape a harrowing affair.  At least that thing can’t get up on the dining room table yet, and I can find a small oasis upon which to lurk and observe her nefarious movements.

dsc02931-640x480She’s better than that damn bunny though – that ball of fur scares the crap out of me, always chasing me when they let HER out of HER cage.   The humans get a hearty chuckle out of watching me scamper from that floppy eared hell-spawned thumping monster, blissfully unaware of the mortal danger we are all in every time they let that thing stalk about.

<Yawn>  But I digress.  The interloper appears to be fixed in place, and these tall ones have all but forgotten me as they fall into their noisy slumber.  I guess I’ll depart, and find somewhere else to rest, away from the likely coming screams of the little one, the glaring eyes of the demon rabbit, and a late night territory mark by the Black Cat of Doom.

On second thought, maybe I’ll stay and see if one of the humans rises to pee and take a swipe at them.

“Hey, what do you think the cat’s thinking about up there on that bedpost?” I asked.

“Who knows?” my wife replied, breastfeeding Justine to sleep.

I shrugged, and slowly drifted off to sleep, feeling strangely compelled to ignore the full bladder that addled me.  Sleep won’t come easily tonight…

- MWF -

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Posted in Day to Day Baby Living. Tagged with , , , , .

  • paul(mytwodaddies)

    LOL…this is too funny! Great post

  • BellaDaddy

    Two dogs, idiots. Miss my cat LOL


  • Daddy Files

    Now this is a great post. From start to finish I laughed my ass off. Well done.

  • Otter

    Great post! That is what I would expect from a cat. An air of superiority mixed with some evil.

  • Mocha Dad

    My friend asked me to feed his rabbit while he was out of town. When I opened the cage, I was attacked by a demon rabbit. Good thing my friend returned soon or else that rabbit would have starved to death.

  • Jason

    hilarious. I myself have one of those stupid dogs that your cat spoke so highly of. Have to be careful every time I get out of bed not to crush his skull as he sleeps right beside my side of the bed.