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A Letter from the Future?

I’m still in shock.  Today I received the following email:

“Dear Dad,

I am writing this to you in the year 2050, to ensure that you enter the 2009 Spring Contest at Dad Blogs – grand prize of which is a Three Ring Adventure Wooden Swing Set crafted by Kid’s Creations.  By the way, in the future, it will be possible to “back date” emails and have them delivered in the past.   Very handy.  In any case, you don’t know it yet, but that swingset laid the foundation for my entire life.  Without giving away too much of what is to come for me, here are a few highlights:

My daily regimen of running up the safety stairs and then doing a flying leap onto the trapeze bar landed me a spot with the Flying Wallendas when Luigi Wallenda spotting me doing the routine at age 14 as he was driving to a Home Depot to get supplies for repairing their safety net. They were suddenly in need of a replacement trapeze artist, and I was perfect for the job.  With your blessing I spent 4 years touring the country with the circus, where I met many interesting folks, including the San Diego Chicken and Robin from Batman.  I was awarded the coveted “Chang and Eng Scholarship” (well, one half of it at least) and was able to attend both Harvard and Oxford simultaneously (in the future, everyone will attend a physical university and an online one at the same time).

The rock climbing wall vaulted me into the world of competitive rock climbing, and helped me to become the youngest person to ever scale Mt. Everest (at 7 years old).  Later, my expertise in climbing in addition to an amazing tolerance for G-Forces developed on the swings and the slide was put to the test as NASA sent me to Mars to climb Olympus Mons, which sounds more exciting than it actually was.

Thanks to the toy telescope perched on top of my swingset, astronomy became a favored hobby of mine, and I spent many an hour of my adult free time documenting the sky.  That’s how I discovered JVJ24601, a small asteroid that was destined to slam into the hills south of Paris and bring an end to both humanity and any appreciation of Jerry Lewis.  But thanks to my interest in physics borne from studying the motions of the attached disc rope swing, I was able to devise a method of deflecting the asteroid using all of the trash in the world’s landfills and several hundred thousand feet of Gorilla tape, thus saving the world and earning both the French Legion of Honor and a lifetime supply of Gorilla glue.

After years of playing on the tire swing, I realized there was a fatal design flaw in the design of radial tires and as a result I patented a process that improved their lifespan to over 700 years.  I also discovered that, after having played with the steering wheel attached to the inner housing, that car accidents due to oversteering could be prevented by a small but pivotal change of the wheel shape from circle to a trapezoid.  The fame and fortune these  provided me landed me on “Celebrity American Gladiator” where the cargo net training proved vital, and I began a 5 year stint as “TireIron,” a formidable foe for contestants on the program.

The sheer unboundless joy that the swingset brought to my life inspired my to try and better the health and welfare of everyone I could.  Capitalizing on the fame that each aspect of the swingset prepared me for, I ran for President of the Americas (and Portugal) – you’ll find out about that soon – and won handily.  Just 3 months into my first term I was able to narrowly avoid a nuclear holocaust by providing the Republic of Eurasialia with millions of ductile iron swing hangers to solve their “swingsecticide crisis.”  Now that very Kid’s Creation swingset I played upon as a child sits in the White House grounds, right next to the hoverport and the 50 foot statue of former President Jenna Bush.

So Dad, you should see the importance of entering that contest.  The fate of half the free world depends on it.


Duchess Madam Dr. Justine E. Frantz, Esq. MD, CPA, DDS, Ph. D. MLS
President, World (West Half)”

Posted in Day to Day Baby Living, Uncategorized. Tagged with , , , .

  • DaddyKV

    This is awesome. I wish I would have had the creativity to write something like this. Great work.

  • Jason

    Awesome! Too freaking funny LOL.

  • MileHighDad

    Great piece of work!

  • BellaDaddy

    BRILLIANT! You have my vote…Kudos!

  • Isabella

    Hysterical post! :)

    Happy FF! (and good luck on the contest)

  • ciara

    haha great contest post. good luck :)

  • Otter Thomas

    Great post. The part about ending any appreciation of Jerry Lewis was genius.

  • Lauren


    AWESOME post.

    Glad you entered the contest. Apparently the fate of the free world depends upon it.

  • weaselmomma

    That was hysterical and innovative. Good luck winning the contest.

  • ShankRabbit

    You are such a creative writer. This was really fun to read.

    Good luck with the contest!