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Howdy, Stranger.

Ok, I’m back. Sorry about that. While indeed I have seemingly taken a hiatus from the blog, in reality I had been supporting the Writer’s Strike by not posting. Recently, however, I discovered that the Writer’s Guild covers, in fact, only television and movie writers, and not blog writers. I have stopped picketing my internet service provider, retracted a few nasty emails I sent to Blogger, and have once again taken up my keyboard. Enjoy.

After a seeming eternity, we finally had another baby appointment. Our last was just after our return from Las Vegas, back in November, and so we were happy to see the doc again and make sure that everything is going ok. If you’ve never had kids before, I’ll give you the heads up that, at least for your first kid, you will worry when pretty much anything odd happens. Weird pains, excessive fatigue, excessive energy, spontaneous yodeling. Honestly, I think half the reason we visit the OBGYN so often during pregnancy is to keep us sane – the reassuring “it’s fine, really”, “that’s entirely normal,” and “that particular condition only affects penguins so I doubt it’s an issue” from a qualified physician really allays fears – at least for a few days.

Anyway, the coming of the new year, in addition to bringing us yet another dubious reason for Ryan Seacrest to invade my life, found us traveling to our doctor’s new office, which was a bit further from the old office. The new digs are definitely nice – much more spacious than the older, cramped office. The only issue is that, of course, we rolled in on the first day of operations in the new office. No one was really sure what to do – we went to the main office and they gave us a sheet and told us to go to another office. The lady in that office wasn’t sure what to do with the sheet, so she told us to hang onto it and give it to the doctor. Then another lady came in, grabbed our sheet and gave it to the other lady, who then told her to give it back to us. Then a circus clown walked in with a pregnant poodle in a tutu, and everything went to hell. And to top it off, the cable wasn’t hooked up, so I couldn’t get my Regis and Kelly fix.

After a shorter wait than normal (apparently in all the confusion they forgot about the interminable wait) we were ushered in to an exam room. After a quick sprint to the bathroom for the requisite urine sample, it was Kim’s turn. After she finished giving her sample, she stopped at the scale, and then again we found ourselves waiting for Fran Drescher. In she bounded, a bundle of energy in a 5 foot frame. And for once, she spent some genuine quality time with us. Usually, we feel like she’s got the Virgin Mary in Exam 2 and she’s gotta get through us quick before she can go check in on a fetal Jesus, but this time she was chatty. She asked about the optional tests (we said no), asked how Kim was feeling (2 parts tired, 7 parts awesome, 1 part peeing), and whether we had any other questions. The only one we had was flying – the answer is apparently up until the last month, simply because after that point it’s very hard to fly the plane with an engorged stomach pressing on the wheel.

After the chat, it was down to business. The doc reached for something she called a Doppler, which is apparently OBGYN slang for “tummy microphone.” This particular Doppler, she explained, was not her “favorite” Doppler, which apparently had been misplaced in the move, or possibly loned to Channel 9 weather. In any case, she rubbed goo on Kim’s stomach and preceded to fish for our baby’s heartbeat. After a few minutes, she declared that she could hear the heartbeat, but that we could not, again due to this ‘lousy doppler’. So, much to our great delight, she ran up and down the halls in search of the portable ultrasound machine. After some searching, the device was found and wheeled into the room. She hooked it up and within moments we were feasting our eyes upon the visage of our unborn child, which, I am disappointed to say, appears not to be a kitty.

The fetus, complete with arms, legs and such, didn’t seem to be a huge fan of the ultrasound. It looked a bit like Lennox Louis, taking several jabs, two uppercuts, even a low blow at the sounds coming from “outside water world.” Either that, or he/she has been plotting his/her escape and has been slowly trying to claw its way out of Kim’s belly button. While that would probably be intensely painful for Kim, I can’t help wondering what it might look like.

Our window into the womb was all too fleeting (free ultrasounds genuinely are) and soon they were wheeling the magical device back to the Cruise’s and we were ushered out the door, back to the front desk, with our sheet of paper still in hand. The lady in the front reluctantly took it this time, figuring someone probably should. I’m pretty sure I heard her file it in the shredder. We set up our next OBGYN appointment for January 3oth, and also booked our 19 week ultrasound with a professional sonographer. Should be interesting.

All in all, it was a good visit to the doctor. And now we only have a week or two until the next appointment, when we’ll get a really good look at Chi-Baba. It should be interesting…

Posted in Doctors Visits, Months 3-4, Uncategorized. Tagged with , , , , , .

  • Sy

    As a “going through it for the first time myself” type of guy, I can feel you pain at some of the stupid questions asked by doctors and the general fun of being scared every 20 seconds of the day! Everytime my wife burps I practically run her to the the hospital! OK, so maybe not everytime…