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We want to be a part of it, Newark, Newark?

AirportWell our auspicious trip to Las Vegas and environs has been waylaid by some “low ceilings” and “rain” around the bleak cousin of the Big Apple, Newark, New Jersey. Yes friends, after a 2 hour delay leaving Syracuse (where we sat and watched our plane, wondering why exactly we weren’t in it, hurtling towards our gambling destiny), we missed our connecting flight and am now enduring our luxurious accommodations at the Newark International Airport. We briefly considered a hotel room, but with our flight leaving at 7:25 in the morning, and this being a ridiculous busy airport, we figured we’d need to be back at 5, and so it probably wasn’t worth the hassle. Whether that is indeed true or not is difficult to determine in hindsight.
Besides, it’s not all bad – after all they gave us two (2) $8 meal vouchers, and two (2) “overnight kits” which contains all the things you might need to spend a night at the airport:
Kit Small

  • A comb
  • A toothbrush and toothpaste
  • Dove “Powder” Deodorant
  • Shampoo (!) – And where exactly am I supposed to use this? Lather, flush, repeat?
  • A spray bottle of hairspray – flammable hairspray, I should say
  • A “safety” razor and some shaving cream

Wait – did the airline really give us a razor? I get strip searched for forgetting to dump my nail clippers, and they GIVE me a razor if I have to stay here a while? Beyond security? Really? Well, I guess I can finally fulfill my lifelong dream of dropping a razor in the razor slot in the airplane bathroom now. Shaving mid-flight sounds fun too.

The airport is a surprisingly busy place at night. There are several other “distressed passengers” as we are called, randomly interspersed among the gates. The sleeping arrangement of choice seems to be bringing two chairs facing each other and putting your feet up, but I found that a bit uncomfortable. Kim is currently lying face down on the carpeted (over concrete) floor and seems somewhat content (she can sleep anywhere). I’m not that good at sleeping in odd places, so I’m amusing myself giving funny names and back stories to the random workers that wander by. (Why there’s Tony the “Tonester”, the mysterious jet mechanic, who, similar to Dr. Doolittle, can literally talk to planes, or Esmerelda, the gruff janitor with a heart of gold, who picks scraps of chicken tacos out of the trash to take home to her hundreds of abandoned kittens) . I think I’ve already lost my mind, and there’s still a ways to go before we board our flight.

Also, you may not know this, but do you know that recording they play constantly in airports about “not accepting bags from unknown people” and “leaving your bag unattended may force us to blow it up”? Yeah, they totally play it every 20 minutes, ALL NIGHT LONG. Despite the fact that 90% of the people here at these ungodly hours are workers, and the other 10% is just trying to sleep at all in this well-lit palace of gates and terminals. ALL NIGHT LONG.

Well anyway, we’re stuck here for another 5 hours, so if you feel motivated, please address your care packages to Terminal C, Gate 73. We’re the ones holed up in the corner, me with the laptop on a $8 one day internet pass, and her curled up in some complimentary airplane blankets and 4 tiny pillows doing her best to sleep. And baby? Well, he/she is getting his/her money’s worth this week in”pre-life” experiences…


Paco Gate 73
The “Tonester”
Luxury Suite
Face Down Phones
The Wife Blog Creation Spot

Posted in Las Vegas, Months 3-4. Tagged with , , , .