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Look out – there’s Toxoplasmosis in that Cat Poop!

Sometimes doctors do silly things. Things like call your pregnant wife, and when she doesn’t pick up the phone, leave messages like “Hi, this is Sandy, at your doctor’s office. We got back your blood test results, and have some information for you. Please call back!” It’s worse than the old “I’ve got a secret – I’ll tell you later,” because there’s at least some part of you that now assumes you have Hepatitis B. Or scabies. Whatever that is.

This, of course, happened to us yesterday. My wife didn’t receive the message until after they had closed, so we had to sweat it out overnight, wondering what she might have. Frantically skimming through books, watching old episodes of House (maybe it’s Wilson’s disease? Or African Sleeping Sickness?) – in short letting your mind go places it shouldn’t.

Finally, this morning we called when they opened up at 8:30 in the morning.

KIM: “Hi, this is Kim. Sandy called, said you had some results for me?”

Doctor’s Office: “Oh, she works in the other office. They don’t open for a 1/2 hour.”

KIM: “Am I dying?”

Doctor’s Office: “Hm. Ok, let me call over for you.”

And they did, and Sandy then called us back to tell us… that the blood test was fine. Big sigh of relief. The reason they called specifically was to mention that Kim had NOT been exposed to toxoplasmosis, which kind of sounds like gingivitis, but is totally different. We were relieved, and a little annoyed. I think they could probably have mentioned that in the phone message in the first place. Just a thought.

What is Toxoplasmosis, anyway? What follows is an explanation, bundled up neatly with a series of falsehoods that will probably find their way into some college student’s term paper which lists this site as a “definitive source” – packaged somewhere between WebMD and Wikipedia in the bibliography I’m sure.

Toxoplasmosis is a parasitic disease that generally affects cats, but has also found it’s way into undercooked meat, other animals, humans, and occasionally Eastern European cars. It’s symptoms are characterized by rashes, obnoxious throat clearing, newfound love for Norwegian opera, and an elitist attitude that prevents you from handling undercooked meat, raking leaves, cleaning out cat litter boxes, and a variety of other household chores that you’d rather have your husband do because it’s “totally unsafe.”

Anyway, the crux of the matter is that Kim has NOT been exposed to it, which is certainly a good thing. There are risks to having the disease, and the fact that our cats have been diagnosed with it before is somewhat concerning. But the end result is that I will continue cleaning out their litter boxes, with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye as my wife sits on the couch, loudly recounting what happened on the last Bachelor episode, sipping her organic apple cider she “had” to have, and then dozing off at 8:30.

Man, I wish I was pregnant.

Of course, pushing a basketball out of “there” doesn’t sound like fun either. Plus I make up most of this stuff anyway – she probably handles pregnancy better than most. But what am I supposed to make fun of then. :)

Posted in Months 3-4. Tagged with , , , .

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